Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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