well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
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My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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