Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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