I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
