Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
