Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
