dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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