4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
