just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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