How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
