I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
