she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
