Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
