So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
His nipple licking is glorious
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