The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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