I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
