If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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