At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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