fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
