i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
