Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
