If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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