I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
