DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
