Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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