she was so not down for the gang bang
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
