I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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