Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
