watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize