Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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