Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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