My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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