So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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