Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
