just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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