She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
