"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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