I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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