I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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