I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
