My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
