His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
