is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
