I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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