I heard we made out
We got so high we made milksteak
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
