VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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