She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
