Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
