Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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