I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
