I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
this beer tastes like vomit already
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We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
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The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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