There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
