woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
