You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
