My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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