He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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