East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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