i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
