Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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