I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
