I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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