I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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