He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
