wat bout pragnant strippers??
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize