I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
