I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
