Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
